Attempting to stay sober for 12 Months.
The hardest part so far — Politely saying NO.
At the time of writing this article, it has been 3 months since I have attempted to not consume any alcohol. If I am being honest, it’s been easier than expected.
Perhaps some additional context would help you understand why it’s been easier than expected, or why I choose to be involved in a challenge like this.
As a 24-year-old, I am part of an age bracket I would consider the consumption of alcohol to be part of the norm. Family events, professional networking, and catching up with friends.
Most events, weekends or “time off”, is structured to incorporate drinking. While people may not emphasise drinking during these events, it's more often than not available.
My personal experiences have shown me an underlying issue.
People use alcohol as a vehicle for escapism.
As a society humans have evolved to be more efficient, to avoid difficult laborious tasks and learn or develop simpler ways to get the job done. That is a pillar of progress for humankind.
“I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it”
— Bill Gates
So when I say people use alcohol as a vehicle of escapism I wish to shine a light towards people consciously or subconsciously using the effects of alcohol consumption to overlook current stressors and difficulties in life.
I believe that humans, like electricity, seek the path of least resistance, the easiest option. Perhaps you may not agree with that point, but there is truth to it in certain contexts.
While I agree with Bill Gates’s view on lazy people and how the way a person thinks can spark innovation. In the context of consuming alcohol that could be a very slippery slope.
Trying to stop the noise of all the internal conflicts of the mind is a simpler task when the mind is dulled with the effects of alcohol. When I found myself reflecting on previous decisions or the easier choices, alcohol did not play a positive role in the experience.
When I spoke to friends, objectively they could agree that reaching for a drink to ‘unwind’ or ‘loosen up’ after a hard day in the corporate world was the easy option.
Why Politely Saying No, Has Been the Hardest Part.
When I am involved in these social situations people are quite surprised when you say no to a drink. There must always be a reason as to why you don't want to consume alcohol.
My experience has been that the feeling of having to validate your reason to others as to why you are not drinking is often harder than not drinking.
You can sense as you start to give your answer to someone whether they are about to deem it a good enough response to say no to them.
As if you declining their offer is a personal attack. You still want to socialise, be involved, share stories or laughter with your peers, however when you don't conform to this social norm. You can be made to feel like an outsider.
I think people feel as if it were a personal attack because you’re going against the grain. You’re not taking the easiest route, simply you’re causing friction.
People subconsciously know when they are repressing something because they consciously seek relief to help repress the internal conflict. When you say No, you shine a light people don’t want to see.
When people question your intentions for declining alcohol, my generic response is the same to most people. “My friends and I are trying to challenge ourselves for a year”. For the most part, people will give you a generic response “Oh that’s a good resolution”, “I could never do that”, “Good luck”.
However, occasionally someone will question you further.
“Why is that one of your resolution’s David?”
When I am asked that, I give the person an in-depth answer for my experiences previously and why I wanted to engage in something that is not necessarily that common. These people are typically quite receptive to the information, they are open-minded and try to see things from your perspective.
Genuine interest is displayed and you’re able to engage in meaningful conversation, perhaps even discussing further and increasing your understanding from a new perspective which is always beneficial.
“Throw out your conceited opinions, for it is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows” — Epictetus, Discourses.
What I Have Learnt So Far?
These discussions and personal experiences helped someone who genuinely enjoys the taste of alcohol further understand that avoiding difficult choices and continuing on a path that caused internal conflicts may perhaps be the easiest option at the time, but one that would not be sustainable.
“Easy choices for a hard life, hard choices of an easy life”
— Jerzy Gregorek.
My current success in sticking to a resolution is weighted heavily via the following enablers.
- Understanding family, partner and friends.
- Understanding the health benefits.
- Access to a community to keep me accountable.
- Friends who are also engaged in the challenge.
So perhaps, as a reader, you can start to see my reasoning for why I wanted to try and stop drinking for 12 months. To avoid the easier choice, to avoid escaping the internal conflicts, to make better decisions, to stop leaning on a substance to assist with socialising and connecting with people.
I shall write again about my experience when I have achieved the full 12 months, until then consider following me on medium for more thought-provoking content.
